Back to the scale

I'll become a slave to the scale again. The scale doesn't always keep me on track but it does do some sort of impact on my psychie. I had been avoiding it for a while because I truly didn't want to see the damage I had done but I have homeless to feed. Had to suck it up.

I know I need to stick to one scale to keep an accurate account but I haven't been going to the Saturday workouts with the trainer and she doesn't always weight us. For now I am going to be using the scale at GNC.

I'm at 206.4, a loss of 4.9 pounds in the last 83 days*, it's loss but I was at 198 on the trainers scale. I'll go back on Friday to see if the eating plan is working this week.

*Last weigh in on the scale was 06/23/09.

Oh Happy Day

Not the start I wanted, but I still have my eye on the prize. I have great motivational incentive now :) My health should be the #1 motivation but so obvious it hasn't been.

I hit a bit of snag on my plans, the ex used to pay for my gym membership but he cancelled the credit card that was used for that, so I have to wait until Tuesday to get the membership back on track.

Stratigic Planning

I got an idea of something entirely farfetched and extreme even for me. I have sever doubts I can pull it off.

The idea started with the contemplation of drinking Slim-Fast again twice a day. Currently, I feel that I am too far off the eating plan that I need something strict to get control over my eating again. Since I have done the Slim-Fast with success in the past I know I can do this again.
The extreme part is that I want to exercise four hours a day. I know that there are people out there who are able to do this, but I’ve never done it. Even when I was going to the gym 3 hours a day. Do I have it me? What exercises would I do? How will I do it? Am I crazy for thinking this? Many self-doubt questions started to rise, and when self-doubt rises it’s so much easier to sink into them and give up before I even try.

This is my eating plan: 2 shakes a day, a yummy salad and 3 snack per day with mutational supplements i.e., vitamins, iron, omega 3’s and B12. I know I can do it for a month, but can I do it up to Thanksgiving? Only time will tell.

As for the exercise, that starts tomorrow. First goal, 4 hours a day for 1 week.
It all starts tomorrow … stay tune.

X's and O's

I’m working on a major to do list to get me back on track in every aspect. I need to get my family involved; I carry way too much on my plate and really don’t let my kids or force my kids to do around the house. It is so true that it is most helpful when you get the whole team involved.

Drowning

I’m starting to see the sign of the beginning of a depression mode. I’ve never been clinically been diagnosed, but I don’t know how else to call these episodes. I used to call these episodes funks. There have always been funks in my life where I just didn’t want to do anything, episodes where I just want to sleep through my life. It has always been much easier to retreat than acknowledge something was wrong.

Today, I wore dirty jeans to work. Realizing that my jeans were dirty snapped me into realizing I was sinking inside again. The dirty spots made me see the signs: reading compulsively, leaving a bunch of clutter piles at home, the fridge being empty, looking toward food for comfort, not caring what I eat, tears welling up at the strangest places.

I am so thankful that I can now recognize the signs and I can fight against the current that wants to take me down.

Shrink for Good

The challenge starts TODAY and will run 7 weeks until October 17, 2009.
The details: After today, we will weigh-in on Wednesdays, as usual. Each week, after you weigh-in, we encourage you to go out and BUY NON-PERISHABLE FOOD products (think canned goods, etc… preferably HEALTHY!) in an amount equaling the amount of weight you lost.
1 pound = 16 ounces

At the end of 7 weeks, you will hopefully have a nice stack of non-perishable food items! You are going to donate these food items that you are going to WORK SO HARD for to your local food bank!
YOU = Focus on healthy eating, exercise, and well-being.
LOG your starting weight today. (or when you jump into this challenge if you are reading this later!)
WEIGH-IN on Wednesdays with us.
COLLECT non-perishable items in the amount of weight lost for the next 7 weeks. Photos encouraged, but not mandatory. ;o)
DONATE your food collection at the end of this challenge.

Off the Wagon

Recall how I said I was on the border of falling either way, and I was scared if I fell the wrong way ... I fell to the wrong side. I fell but I haven't completely let go of the wagon. I am holding on for dear life to a rope attached to that wagon and trying with all my might to get back in.

I've been going through some personal issues and this past week I let them get to me. I let them take control but today I decided that I'm the one in control of my life. There is just no way that I am going back ... to my old weight, to my old life ... there is just no way.