I’m starting to see the sign of the beginning of a depression mode. I’ve never been clinically been diagnosed, but I don’t know how else to call these episodes. I used to call these episodes funks. There have always been funks in my life where I just didn’t want to do anything, episodes where I just want to sleep through my life. It has always been much easier to retreat than acknowledge something was wrong.
Today, I wore dirty jeans to work. Realizing that my jeans were dirty snapped me into realizing I was sinking inside again. The dirty spots made me see the signs: reading compulsively, leaving a bunch of clutter piles at home, the fridge being empty, looking toward food for comfort, not caring what I eat, tears welling up at the strangest places.
I am so thankful that I can now recognize the signs and I can fight against the current that wants to take me down.
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When you get like that you also have a tendency to push away and ignore the people that love you the most. This not only hurts you, but it hurts them too :(
ReplyDeleteI truly hope you are feeling better now and things have gotten better for you... Sending you good thoughts.