I really screwed myself this pay period. As usual I counted my chickens before they hatched. I vowed I would never let this happen again, but yet I keep doing it.

Ugh, when the money goes out the window so does the exercise and the healthy eating.

What to do, what to do

Things have not gone according to plan. Actually I think I am earning a "D", which means that I am not entirely failing. I've been doing the shakes on and off, along with the snack but I am yet to have a yummy salad. I've not exercised at all because I still haven't settled the gym thing. I know I can do other things than just the gym, but I'm fooling myself into thinking "it's gym or nothing else." I know it's a bad way of thinking but I think this way a lot of the time.

I'm trying to clear up the gym thing, I really want to go back. I even went gym shopping. Due to where I live I only have two options; Bally's or LA Fitness. I've been a member of Bally's before and didn't really care about their facilities. They are dirty and have a lot of equipment out of order. I do like the variety of classes they offer and the personal trainers. At LA Fitness, I like the facilities but dislike the classes and personal trainers*.

I really need to think what I want to do. I want the personal trainer from Bally's but if I sign up as a cash account I have to do a 3 year contract. Really don't want a contract with a gym, had bad experiences and just give me the hibby gybbies. Please take a lesson from me, and don't let your credit score go down the drain, it really limits your possibilities.

Oh my what to do, what to do.

Oh Happy Day

I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night

that tonight's gonna be a good night

that tonight's gonna be a good night

Tonight’s the night night

Let’s live it up

I got my money

Let’s spend it up

I made the last truck payment tonight!

Back to the scale

I'll become a slave to the scale again. The scale doesn't always keep me on track but it does do some sort of impact on my psychie. I had been avoiding it for a while because I truly didn't want to see the damage I had done but I have homeless to feed. Had to suck it up.

I know I need to stick to one scale to keep an accurate account but I haven't been going to the Saturday workouts with the trainer and she doesn't always weight us. For now I am going to be using the scale at GNC.

I'm at 206.4, a loss of 4.9 pounds in the last 83 days*, it's loss but I was at 198 on the trainers scale. I'll go back on Friday to see if the eating plan is working this week.

*Last weigh in on the scale was 06/23/09.

Oh Happy Day

Not the start I wanted, but I still have my eye on the prize. I have great motivational incentive now :) My health should be the #1 motivation but so obvious it hasn't been.

I hit a bit of snag on my plans, the ex used to pay for my gym membership but he cancelled the credit card that was used for that, so I have to wait until Tuesday to get the membership back on track.

Stratigic Planning

I got an idea of something entirely farfetched and extreme even for me. I have sever doubts I can pull it off.

The idea started with the contemplation of drinking Slim-Fast again twice a day. Currently, I feel that I am too far off the eating plan that I need something strict to get control over my eating again. Since I have done the Slim-Fast with success in the past I know I can do this again.
The extreme part is that I want to exercise four hours a day. I know that there are people out there who are able to do this, but I’ve never done it. Even when I was going to the gym 3 hours a day. Do I have it me? What exercises would I do? How will I do it? Am I crazy for thinking this? Many self-doubt questions started to rise, and when self-doubt rises it’s so much easier to sink into them and give up before I even try.

This is my eating plan: 2 shakes a day, a yummy salad and 3 snack per day with mutational supplements i.e., vitamins, iron, omega 3’s and B12. I know I can do it for a month, but can I do it up to Thanksgiving? Only time will tell.

As for the exercise, that starts tomorrow. First goal, 4 hours a day for 1 week.
It all starts tomorrow … stay tune.

X's and O's

I’m working on a major to do list to get me back on track in every aspect. I need to get my family involved; I carry way too much on my plate and really don’t let my kids or force my kids to do around the house. It is so true that it is most helpful when you get the whole team involved.

Drowning

I’m starting to see the sign of the beginning of a depression mode. I’ve never been clinically been diagnosed, but I don’t know how else to call these episodes. I used to call these episodes funks. There have always been funks in my life where I just didn’t want to do anything, episodes where I just want to sleep through my life. It has always been much easier to retreat than acknowledge something was wrong.

Today, I wore dirty jeans to work. Realizing that my jeans were dirty snapped me into realizing I was sinking inside again. The dirty spots made me see the signs: reading compulsively, leaving a bunch of clutter piles at home, the fridge being empty, looking toward food for comfort, not caring what I eat, tears welling up at the strangest places.

I am so thankful that I can now recognize the signs and I can fight against the current that wants to take me down.

Shrink for Good

The challenge starts TODAY and will run 7 weeks until October 17, 2009.
The details: After today, we will weigh-in on Wednesdays, as usual. Each week, after you weigh-in, we encourage you to go out and BUY NON-PERISHABLE FOOD products (think canned goods, etc… preferably HEALTHY!) in an amount equaling the amount of weight you lost.
1 pound = 16 ounces

At the end of 7 weeks, you will hopefully have a nice stack of non-perishable food items! You are going to donate these food items that you are going to WORK SO HARD for to your local food bank!
YOU = Focus on healthy eating, exercise, and well-being.
LOG your starting weight today. (or when you jump into this challenge if you are reading this later!)
WEIGH-IN on Wednesdays with us.
COLLECT non-perishable items in the amount of weight lost for the next 7 weeks. Photos encouraged, but not mandatory. ;o)
DONATE your food collection at the end of this challenge.

Off the Wagon

Recall how I said I was on the border of falling either way, and I was scared if I fell the wrong way ... I fell to the wrong side. I fell but I haven't completely let go of the wagon. I am holding on for dear life to a rope attached to that wagon and trying with all my might to get back in.

I've been going through some personal issues and this past week I let them get to me. I let them take control but today I decided that I'm the one in control of my life. There is just no way that I am going back ... to my old weight, to my old life ... there is just no way.

Mojo's

So many excused are floating in my brain as to why I can just skip one day or maybe two on the menu plan.

1. Going to Shakey's tonight for a Fundraiser and for sure I am eating mojo's drenched in ketchup.
2. I'm not going to weigh myself this weekend.
3. Going to Vegas for the weekend.
4. The pain on my knee is keeping me from the gym

With all these excuses I am terrified that if I fall back, it is going to take me a long time to get back where I am now. I just can't do this to myself again.

Well not completly to the T

There are issues going on at home that have my brain pre occupied. I've been feeling a bit down and those feelings normally tend to make me over eat. I look towards food for comfort. Oh eating some creamy pasta sure comforts me.

I didn't go that over board, the only thing I ate off the menu was mango with chili powder - 1/2 pound to be exact. BUT the problem is that I did want to throw the eating plan out the window and was so waiting to hear the Elote Man. Thank God, the Elote Man didn't pass by my block, or I think I would of bought two. I'm worried that I may stray off the plan and it would take a while to get back on it. I can feel that I am just about at that spot where I can start sabotaging myself again.

Food Plan

The trainer I have been seeing on Saturday mornings has me (and the rest of the group) on a eating plan. We are going on the third week and I am just about sick of it. BUT this week I will follow it to a T*. I didn't follow it for dinner, and the scale showed a one pound gain.

Here's the Menu
Need to eat every 2 1/2 - 3 hours

Breakfast
Regular Oat meal cooked with water
add: raisins, blue berries, strawberries or black berries
1 egg egg (cooked anyway you want)

Snack
Fat Free Yogurt (Yoplait is the bets)
1 medium fruit

Lunch
Option 1
Green Salad
Lettuce and all the veggies you want
Cooked chicken breast no skin (size deck of cards)
No creamy dressings

Option 2
Subway
6" Turkey on Wheat
No cheese/No Mayo

Snack
Option 1
1 slice whole wheat bread
1 tablespoon peanut butter
1/2 banana
1 glass of milk (soy or fat free)

Option 2
Small bowl of fruit salad of
grape fruit
orange
cantaloupe

Dinner
Grilled chicken or salmon (size of a deck of card)
1 cup veggies
1 small salad

*Well sort of to the T. I eat a whole banana for the 2nd snack, drink the milk with dinner and I either have chicken or subway for dinner.

two piece

The first picture was taken May 2008, the second July 2009.
I so want to see a difference, but maybe it's just my imagination. I've been working my butt off this past month, and hopefully when I take a new picture in a couple of weeks we can see the difference.

No Camera / No Pictures

There were days that taking a daily picture felt like a burden and took the fun out of the site and now that I want to take daily pictures again, I don't have a camera. My daughter took the camera on her European vacation, she will be returning shortly and then I will be able to post pictures.

There so much that I'm excited about in my weight loss journey that I believe pictures would tell a better story.

I'm out of the 200 (finally!) forever.
Signed up at a gym.
Seeing a personal trainer on Saturdays

Hiking

My first hiking adventure. A few times I thought my heart was going to explode at how loud I could hear it pounding in my ears. A lot of times I wanted to turn around and go back down, okay maybe 3 times I seriously thought about it. If it wasn't that I went with a friend, I would have done it.

Go Team Violet

Officially in the mid thirties

Well I was supposed to be half way to my weight loss goal by my 35th but obviously it hasn't happened. I've actually gained the 10 pounds I lost :(

Day 22

Down

After my rant yesterday, and my vow on the bible I still pigged out for dinner and I feel so down about it.

Yes, I am a bit behind in posting the pictures but I have been taking them and hopefully will have them up tomorrow.

Just wanted to post that I had a 2 pound weight gain this week. I had all the excuses imaginable as to why I ate comfort food, why I didn't journal, why I didn't exercise. The thing is I am tired of the excuses. I've been going to WW meetings for 2 weeks and I have only lost 5 pounds. I am yo yoing in the 200's and hating it. This is the same pattern as before. Where I screw around with 5 pounds, gain them loose them, loose them gain them. I HATE IT, but I do this to myself. ALWAYS do this to myself, then I get frustrated and stop. I don't want to stop, but what do I need to fix in me to be successful? Do I need to promise on the bible every day that I will be on program because that really worked last week.

Part of me feel that doing that is sacrilegious but how many times haven't we hear "ask, and you shall receive?" Okay maybe I wont swear or promise on the bible but ask for strength/encouragement/wisdom to follow the program each day.

I am making this my main goal for the rest of February. There are a little more than 21 days left in the month, if I do this every day I should have a new habit by the end of the month. AND this will go with the other goal I have of losing 10 pounds thid month.

I know I have just been rambling but I needed to get my thoughts/feelings out. As I was sitting in the meeting I was hardly paying attention to the leader because I just kept going over and over all the hundreds of times I have done WW and played with 5 pounds, get discouraged and stop. I want to stop the cycle. I must stop the cycle.

Day 21

Why can't I recommit, why can't I journal every single bite?

Day 20

Oops!

Taking a picture was nowhere in my brain. 1. Went to a funeral wake/viewing for an uncle. saw family I hadn't seen in about 5 years, which was nice. 2. The hubby might be laid off next month, or relocate to another city (2 hour drive.) If we choose to relocate it will have to be done in a month.

Day 11

Surveys

I came across some frugal spending/debt eliminating blogs today. With the state of the economy and prices going up I signed up for a few sites where you get paid to do surveys. Hopefully I can get a few extra bucks.

Day 10

Fitness Expo

I am so committed to losing this weight that I went to a Fitness Expo. Not what I expected, it was geared more to body building. I was expecting more info on getting fit, and weight loss equipment/dvd's, but we enjoyed ourselves.

Day 9

Great Start

Day 2 of being on program and I am doing great, point wise. I have actually earned more activities points than the points I have gone over. In 7 weeks, this is the first time I have actually journaled 2 days in a row.

Dat 8

I promise to whole other level

I was thinking that I have vowed and promised to loose weight thousands of times in the course of my adult life, and maybe even the teen years. I've never been successful or never fully committed.

Today, I promised* on the Bible that I will work the WW program, that I will succeed in this weight loss journey.

*I also promised other things; Personal growth, working on relationship issues, creating and setting plan in motion.

Day 7

I promise.

I had an almost 2 pound weight gain this week. I haven't really been working the program. Tonight I promise that I will stray on track.

Day 6

Feeling Blue

I'm still bummed about loosing my wallet.

Day 5

Monkey on my back

There are days the kids enjoy these one a day pictures more than I do. A simple horsing around turned into a work out - a squat and leg lift combo.

Day 4

Supper Bowl Party

The hubby is a big Pittsburg Steelers fan, and I'm a big fan of having get togethers. Put those together and it equals Super Bowl Party.

Day 3

Leg Lift

I did 4 sets of 10. I so get now why people scream while working out, it helps get through the pain.

Day 2

Say a prayer for me.

I lost my wallet with $584 in cash, on the Dash. Please say a prayer that there are considerate human beings and it either get mailed to me or turned in to lost and found. I'v been praying all night.

Day 1

I got a camera Finally!

Not exactly my dream camera, but boy did I miss having a camera. It's a Poloraid i835, I know nothing about it, I went by price.